RELATIONSHIPS
BOOKS:Chapman, Gary. The 5 love languages. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2004.The concept of there being several “love languages” is an essential part of being able to relate and love well. The book explains 5 common “languages” and there is a questionnaire at the back of the book for both partners. I recommend interviewing each other for the answers, rather than taking each quiz individually.
Harley, Willard F. His Needs, Her Needs. Revell, 2011.This is highly recommended by a client for understanding the differing perspectives brought into relationship difficulty.
Love, Patricia and Stosny, Steven. How to improve your marriage without talking about it. New York: Broadway Books, 2007.This is by far the best book for couples I have read. It addresses both the perspective of the typical husband and typical wife and how to connect again through strategies other than talking about what’s wrong.
Markman, Howard; Stanley, Scott; and Blumberg, Susan. Fighting for your marriage. San Franciso: Jossey-Bass Inc., Publishers, 1994.In this book, communication skills are broken down clearly and demonstrated for practice. With these basic communication skills, problem-solving is significantly easier – and in some cases, unnecessary. Sometimes, if we are heard well, that is all we need.
Payson, Eleanor D. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists. Julian Day Publications, 2009.
Excellent for the non-clinician to identify and cope with a difficult personality type that we encounter far more than we probably realize. It is especially interesting how the author challenges us to recognize behaviors in ourselves that are narcissistic in nature.
Puhn, Laurie. Fight Less, Love More. Rodale, 2010.
Written by a divorce mediator, this book successfully identifies key elements to warm communication in a way that is easy to understand, though perhaps not always easy to utilize. With practice of these strategies, however, the reader of this book will improve their communication and eventually come to see the strategies themselves as easier than fighting.
This book is written by renowned experts on ADHD to address the profound impact of distractibility and inattention on a relationship and in particular intimacy. Whether ADHD is a factor or not, many of us can relate to the countless distractions that the modern era holds, including what I refer to as The Culture of Availability, where we are expected to be available all the time.
Munoz, Alicia. No More Fighting: 20 Minutes A Week To A Stronger Relationship. Zephyros Press, 2018.
A practical guide for couples to build a better relationship, either for the first time or to return to a time when it was easier for them to connect.
PODCASTS:
“How to Human” – Sam Lamott
“Better Friendships” – Julie & Katie
“Understanding Your Enneagram” – Rob & Veronica Noble
“The Modern Enneagram” – Kristy Fountain & Gina Gomez
“Where Should We Begin?” – Esther Perel
“Kelly Corrigan Wonders” – Kelly Corrigan
PARENTING
BOOKS:
Cline, Foster and Fay, Jim. Parenting with love and logic. Colorado Springs, CO: Pinon Press, 2006.A kind approach toward mentoring our children that promotes their own good judgment and responsibility so that we don’t have to govern them as they grow older.
Cline, Foster and Fay, Jim. Parenting teens with love and logic. NavPress Publishing, 2006.Ginott, Haim. Between parent and child. Three Rivers Press, 2003.
This book truly revolutionized how to talk to a child, changing parenting from a one-way lecture to a two-way conversation that empowered kids and parents to improve a child’s behavior through empathic and reflective communication. Originally written in the 1950’s, the older version had some parts that needed revision in order to be relevant and effective today. The 2003 edition contains the necessary revisions.
Fogarty, James A. Over-indulged children: A parent’s guide to mentoring. Raleigh: Liberty Publishing Group, 2003.“Put your pocketbook away! Love ‘em, don’t overindulge ‘em!” is the opening page quote from Dr. Fogarty and the summary for the whole concept of the book. Keep reading, though, because the book explains HOW to do that, what we’re thinking when we over-indulge and how to turn our good intentions into good mentoring.
Kvols, Kathryn J. Redirecting children’s behavior. Seattle: Parenting Press, 1998.Common and frustrating behavior is addressed in this brief and pragmatic book. My favorite parenting books use warmth and creativity to “redirect” rather than “discipline” children and this one is excellent.
Phelan, Thomas. 1.2.3 Magic. Parentmagic, Inc., 2010.This book and video offer a simple and effective use of time-out strategy to warmly redirect children to cooperative behavior.
ONLINE RESOURCES:
http://positiveparentingsolutions.com
Beginning with free videos, Amy McCready shares her own journey from a working mother who yelled at her kids (now well-adjusted adults) to a mother who handled challenges with clarity and compassion. Whether you’re a new parent, or an experienced parent in a new stuck place with your kid(s), this is a great resource to reset and find a new gear in your parenting skills.
Is Spanking Harmful? Here’s What You Need to Know
PODCASTS:
“Ask Lisa” – Dr. Lisa Damour
ANXIETY
ONLINE RESOURCES:
MOOD SHIFT app
This book explains anxiety in all of its forms, from healthy anxiety to the spectrum of disorders. Cognitive-behavioral treatment methods are recommended and described, as well as several exercises to combat and control symptoms.
Burns, David D. When panic attacks. NY: Broadway Books, 2006.David Burns is an MD who offers an approach to reducing and eliminating anxiety that does not rely on pharmaceuticals. The methods are cognitive-behavioral and focus on challenging ones fears and resistance.
Claiborn, James, and Pedrick, Cherry. The BDD Workbook: Overcome body dysmorphic disorder and end body image obsessions. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2002.Body Dysmorphic Disorder is similar to OCD, but its main criterion is an obsession with perceived flaws of the body that is consuming and therefore dysfunctional. This book explains the disorder thoroughly and proposes solutions.
Ellis, Albert. How to control your anxiety before it controls you. Secaucus, NJ: Carol Publishing Group, 1998.Dr. Ellis describes an approach called Rational-Emotive Behavioral therapy that is very similar to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, but don’t tell him I said that. Most valuable in this book is his chart for processing difficult events.
Foa, Edna B. and Wilson, Reid. S.T.O.P. Obsessing: How to overcome your obsessions and compulsions. NY: Bantam Books, 2001.An excellent publication for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, this book thoroughly explains what is happening with an OCD patient and how you can retrain your thinking away from obsessions and compulsions. This is an easy read and gets to the point quickly.
Knaus, Bill EdD and Carlson, Jon PsyD, EdD. The Cognitive-Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety. New Harbinger Publications, 2008.
An excellent workbook that covers all the elements in a solid cognitive-behavioral treatment program.
Smith, Patrick. Ask the Pilot. Riverhead Trade: 2004.
Afraid of flying? Some people believe that understanding the science behind why air travel is possible demystifies the process and helps reduce anxious feelings about it.
Tolle’s language is not simple and some feel this book is better on audio, but be prepared to be spoken to by a voice similar to Gandolph the Gray from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Tolle describes the road to enlightenment as becoming able to exist fully in the present, instead of the past or future.
Harris, Dan, Carlye Adler, and Jeffrey Warren. Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics. Hodder & Stoughton, 2018
After an on-air panic attack, journalist Dan Harris finally reached a point where he had to think differently about his anxiety. For anyone who ever thought that meditation wasn’t for them, this book might change your mind.
Reading recommendations that come highly recommended by clients:
1. Anxiety Girl, by Vanessa Monica Serrao
2. The Journey of Hanna Woods, by Helene Forst (FICTION)
3. On Edge, by Andrea Petersen.
4. Hi, Anxiety, by Kat Kinsman
5. Tiny Prisoners, by Maggie Hartley
6. Not Just Me, by Lisa Jakub
PODCASTS:
“Tara Brach” – Tara Brach
DEPRESSION
ONLINE RESOURCES:
Apps: Daylio, Youper, Calm Harm, Insight Timer, Virtual Hope Box (NV), Mind Shift, Simple Habit, Mooditude, MindDoc
Revised several times over to reflect today’s concerns and updated treatment, this book teaches us how to retrain our thinking and practice healing thoughts.
Burns, David D. Ten days to self-esteem. NY: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 1993.This is excellent tool for those who love a good workbook and are willing to take actual steps toward improving their self-perception and outlook.
BIPOLAR DISORDER
ONLINE RESOURCES:
Apps: Daylio, Youper, Calm Harm, Insight Timer, Virtual Hope Box (NV), Mind Shift, Simple Habit, Mooditude, MindDoc
BOOKS:
Jamison, Kay R. The Unquiet Mind. New York: Vintage Books, 1995.Kay Jamison allows us a look into her personal experience trying to balance a debilitating bipolar disorder with her ambitions.
Jamison, Kay R. Touched with Fire: Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. Free Press, 1993.It is important to understand the broad spectrum from an uneven temperament through chronic mood disruption and into the bipolar disorders. Kay Jamison assists us in understanding the fine line between creativity and illness.
Miklowitz, David J. The Bipolar Survival Guide. Guilford Press, 2002.Essential and practical for anyone struggling with or loving someone struggling with this difficult disorder.
Papolos, Demitri and Papolos, Janice. The bipolar child: the definitive and reassuring guide to childhood’s most misunderstood disorder. Three Rivers Press, 2011.This guide is well-known as a tool to help parents determine if their child might suffer from pediatric bipolar. There is enough illustrative information in order to find whether these situations are “familiar” to the parent reading it. Further, reading this book can arm a parent with solid, up-to-date information as they venture into difficult – and often murky – territory in an effort to help their child.
ADHD
Dawson, Peg and Guare, Richard. Smart but scattered. Guilford Press, 2009.
The authors cleverly separate various skill sets and encourages the reader to identify which strengths and weaknesses exist in both the parent and in the child. I especially like this book because they don’t talk about ADHD, but rather our strengths vs. areas we need more development in. It is a very respectful book toward those that may lack some skills in attention or organization, but are nonetheless talented and capable people.
A classic for understanding and managing ADHD at all ages.
Hallowell, Edward and Ratey, John. Delivered from distraction. Ballantine Books, 2005.A hopeful read identifying the various ways to treat and cope with ADHD.
Kelly, Kate and Ramundo, Peggy. You mean I’m not lazy, stupid, or crazy? The classic self-help book for adults with attention deficit disorder. Scribner, 2006.Eye-opening in assisting us in distinguishing between ADHD and other difficulties.
Orlov, Melissa. The ADHD effect on marriage. Specialty Press, 2010.Another eye-opener, outlining how ADHD affects marriages, which might get missed of a couple is reading run-of-the-mill relationship self-help books.
Hallowell, Edward and Ratey, John. ADHD 2.0. Random House, 2022.
The latest, and I think greatest, from this dynamic duo who have watched the mental health community and public awareness of ADHD grow over several decades. ADHD 2.0 explains decades’ worth of discovery and understanding then applies modern strategies to treat ADHD. The authors encourage a broader outlook to welcome the unique place someone who is neurodivergent holds in our society and introduces the concept of Variable Attention Stimulus Trait (VAST).
TRAUMA
BOOKS:
Bass, Ellen and Davis, Laura. Courage to heal: A guide for women survivors of child sexual abuse. NY: Harper and Row, 1988.Survivors of childhood sexual abuse will find friends in these pages and help find the words to describe what happens inside of them.
Sanford, Linda T. Strong at the broken places. NY: RandomHouse, 1990.This is a powerful and moving concept. If only one could learn to become and see themselves as “strong at the broken places,” the healing can take place.
Reading that comes highly recommended by clients:
1. A Child Called It, by Dave Pelzer
2. Why Me? by Sarah Burleton
3. What It Is, by Sarah Burleton
4. Why Them? by Sarah Burleton
5. Why Her? By Sarah Burleton
6. Call Me Tuesday, by Leigh Byrne
7. Call Me Cockroach, by Leigh Byrne
8. Spilled Milk, by K. L. Randis
9. The Ghost Girl, by Maggie Hartley
10. Tell No One, by Sarah Cooper
11. I’ll Give You Something to Cry About, by Elizabeth Acker
12. Estranged, by Jessica Berger Gross
Real, Terrence. I don’t want to talk about it. Scribner. 1998.
Terry Real, well-known for his work with couples, discusses the unique impact of traumatized men on their families and how the legacies of anger weave their way down through generations. With a compassionate approach, Real challenges men to be a different version of themselves that opens their lives to more. More joy, more connection, more ease.
Van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Publishing Group, 2015.
This book is very popular for good reason. Van der Kolk explains the neurology behind how our bodies cope with psychological and physical assault and how those neural patterns continue in our bodies for years afterward. TRIGGER WARNING: This book can be too difficult a read for some, as it is descriptive in its accounts of abuse.
Levine, Peter. In an unspoken voice. North Atlantic Books, 2012
Beginning with his own observational narrative of his reaction during and immediately after he was struck by a vehicle, Dr. Levine applies neurological insight to the body’s process of experiencing and recovering from trauma. Dr. Levine’s style is gentle and of wonderment at the capabilities of the human body.
POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION
BOOKS:
Bennett, S, and Indman, Pec. Beyond the blues; a guide to understanding and treating prenatal and postpartum depression. Moodswings Press, 2003. Kleiman, Karen R. and Raskin, Valerie D. This isn’t what I expected. Bantam Books: 1994.Probably the best book I’ve read on Postpartum Depression, this book covers it all. If you think you are or have experienced this, or love someone who has, this book will provide comfort and answers.
Shields, Brooke. Down came the rain: my journey through post-partum depression. NY: Hyperion Press, 2005.It was brave of Brooke Shields to let us into her own personal struggle. I believe a lot of readers will identify with the things Ms. Shields experienced an learned on her journey.
CO-DEPENDENCY
Beatty, Melody. The language of letting go. Hazeldon, 1990.
AGING & SENIOR RESOURCES
ONLINE RESOURCES:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/nevada/henderson
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/resources
When navigating the questions that occur later in our life regarding our homes and our ongoing care, it is difficult to know where to begin. Adding to the stress is misinformation about the options available. The links above help provide some direction on the path of understanding long-term resources in Henderson NV.
GRIEF:
BOOKS:
Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth, and Kessler, David. On grief and grieving: finding the meaning of grief through five stages of loss. Scribner, 2005.
Colleagues and friends, the legendary Kubler-Ross and leading grief expert Kessler, team up in this essential book for the grieving. Their compassionate and non-judgmental approach toward coping with the end of life (Kessler says, “Grief is a no-judgment zone.”) allows for many stories of grief and coping.
Devin, Megan. It’s OK that you’re not OK: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand. Sounds True, 2017.
Hickman, Martha Whitmore. Healing after loss: daily meditations for working through grief. William Morrow, 1994.
Didion, Joan. The year of magical thinking. Vintage, 2007.
In artistic prose, Didion describes the experience and aftermath of losing someone suddenly. There are no instructions here; rather, Didion’s experience merely puts to words the indescribable feelings of someone deep in their grief.
Kessler, David. Finding meaning: the sixth stage of grief. Scriber, 2019.
Honoring the memory of his dear friend, the legendary late Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Kessler adds a sixth stage that is often the work of grief therapy: finding meaning. Not to be understood as thinking the loss is somehow justified, finding meaning is encouraged by Kessler as a journey toward honoring our loved ones in a way that helps us remember them with more love than pain.
Comer, Meryl. Slow dancing with a stranger: lost and found in the age of Alzheimer’s. HarperOne: 2015.
Journalist Comer unapologetically describes her decision to care for her spouse into the late stages of his decline, and the challenges that come with obtaining a diagnosis, battling non-compliance, and losing a partner long before they’re gone. Her account is brave, informative, and tender. Like Didion’s personal account, there are no instructions, nor a call to make the same decisions. Comer offers her story as a call for more understanding and effective response to an epidemic.
Refuge in Grief by Megan Devine INSTAGRAM PAGE
SPORTS, LIFE, AND BUSINESS PERFORMANCE
Al Huang, Chungliang, and Jerry Lynch. Thinking body, dancing mind: taosports for extraordinary thinking in athletics, business, and life. Bantam Books, 1994.
Lynch, Jerry. The way of the champion: lessons from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and other Tao wisdom for sports and life. Tuttle Publishing, 2006.
Mumford, George. The mindful athlete: secrets to pure performance. Parallax Press, 2015
ILLNESS AND CHRONIC PAIN
Sachs, Nicole. The meaning of truth: embrace your truth, create your life. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2016.
Mate, Gabor. When the body says no: the cost of hidden stress. Scribe Publishing, 2011.